Indiana

What I Was Thinking . . . was how did it all happen? You know we prayed and prayed that our children would go in the ministry. We gave them to God a long time ago. But you know when it finally all comes to pass you just become in awe of what God can really do.

I got to talk to Sarah for a long time tonight. I loved it. She gave me all the updates. Every month she holds a scrapbooking/craft ladies night for the church (she's almost done with her wedding album). But she loves doing that so much.

She told me that Chris started teaching the singles and college Sunday School class and he's going to start leading the choir in the next month or two. (He already leads the congregation on Sundays). She asked me if Chris ever sent me any pictures of his office... I said, "No, but he better!!!"

To think that this was the little boy who got a spanking every day of his kindergarten life; he was such a handful! And almost setting fire to the baptistry building in high school! Oh, and had brain surgery to remove a blood clot that was caused by getting hit in the head with a baseball. I could tell story after story of what our son did and what he got into. But his dad showed him what it meant to have character, to be a man of his word and to treat people right. And Chris has always treated me right.

This is an old picture taken when we went back to Missouri for Stewart's dad's funeral. Chris was, I believe 15, and he preached his grandfather's funeral; it's what his grandma (Stewart's mom) wanted. He preached a salvation message and it was wonderful. The little boy beside him is my nephew, Tyler, who is now 16 and wants to go in the ministry as well!

We raised a man, a good man, a man who has a heart for serving God. Just after talking with Sarah tonight I just had to share my joy ...

That's what I was thinking ...

*~Tammi~*

Awesome God

What I Was Thinking ... was how awesome God is. A couple of weeks ago we were on our way to church and the clouds were absolutely beautiful. I decided I had to get a picture of this, so I took this picture with my cell phone camera, while in the car, through the windshield. Can you believe how beautiful it turned out! I had no idea the sun would look like this! And don't you think the three telephone poles look like the three crosses? How could anyone look at a picture like this and say there is no God! Our God is an Awesome God!

That's what I was thinking,

*~Tammi~*

Missing Them

What I Was Thinking . . . was that I miss my friends. When you've had very close friends for over 10 years and then circumstances pull you apart it just about becomes unbearable. Thought I could write more about this, but it still hurts.

Don't want to do anymore thinking,
*~Tammi~*

Parents

What I Was Thinking ... was what an example my parents are to me. Soon they will be celebrating their 50th Wedding Anniversary; what an accomplishment. Here they are at Sea World, holding hands ... after 50 years. I think it's pretty neat that Stewart and I hold hands after 27 years; I still want to be doing that after 50 years!

We all still love spending time with each other. My parents have been the ones that have kept us all together. My sister and I are always so excited when it is "our turn" to have mom and dad for Christmas. See, mom and dad alternate each year with us for Christmas (this year it's my turn!) The Thanksgiving tradition has always been everyone goes to mom and dad's house. We are going to have the best time in a couple of weeks. The only downfall is that their grandchildren are all of the U.S. now and cannot come home; only two will be there this year. Times do change, but we continue to try and make the best of the situation.

These are the things I am looking forward to with my own children. I want to continue the tradition and family values that my parents have taught me. All five of my parents' grandchildren have a heart for serving God. They have made a huge legacy for themselves and they are the strongest foundation that I have ever known. My parents have built their home on solid ground. I'm so thankful that I have that to build on.

That's what I was thinking,

*~Tammi~*

Home for the Holidays

What I Was Thinking . . . was how much I enjoy the holidays. I am doing my best this year to try and not make it the big hustle and bustle it always becomes. I've already started my Christmas shopping and I plan on wrapping what I have already bought this weekend.

Chris and Sarah will not be spending Christmas with us this year; they are going to Sarah's parents in Florida because for the last two Christmases they have been with us. Sarah will truly enjoy being with her mom and dad this year. Surprisingly, I am really not sad about it. Maybe I am learning to adapt! I just know how happy my son is and that just brings joy to my heart! There's nothing better in this world than to see your kids happy!

Staci and Josh will be coming home for an entire week! It will be a year since I have seen them; that just doesn't seem possible, or right! I just want to hug her ... that's it.... just hug that girl! I miss her SO MUCH.

And, of course, Kelsi will be home the entire Christmas break and Bodi is supposed to spend Christmas day with us as well. I am really looking forward to the kids being home. I love the house being full of life! I love being with my kids ... all of them.

Thanksgiving we are back to our tradition of spending it with my parents in Las Vegas. My sister and her family are coming down as well! We LOVE that time when we can all get together. My mom and dad are very special people and they have kept our family close all of these years.

From now on every holiday is going to be something different and someone added for a while... either someone marrying into our family or a babies being born. There is just so much to look forward to! Can't wait to see what God has in store for us!

That's What I Was Thinking

*~Tammi~*

Adapting

What I Was Thinking ... was that I am adapting. If I keep saying that maybe it will actually come true! It's not a bad thing to pour your life into your children, I think it's what we mothers must do and are actually built to do. But when they are gone, when they grow up and leave your home, it's a killer. I don't know how else to describe it.

Staci called me the other day and you know I always ask her, "e-mail me pictures!" I want to see, I want to be a part of her life. It will be a year since I've seen my daughter and I'm just not made to endure that. *crying now* She hasn't sent the pictures yet, but I know she will; she is so busy but she will when she has time.

Every once in a while Sarah will send me a pic message on my cell phone. Today I got a video of her classroom kids... it was funny and I enjoyed it so much. She's been scrapbooking her wedding pictures and she sends me a picture of each of her scrapbook pages when she is done. (She knows how much I enjoy scrapbooking). I am so thankful she wants to share those little things with me. It's just those little things that make all the difference in the world.

Tried talking to Kelsi twice yesterday on the phone, but both times she had to go; either she had to get ready, or working, or her boyfriend was calling her. But she's another busy girl and she is doing so good. At least she is not that far away.

There is an emptiness, but at the same time there is fulfillment. It's kinda hard to explain; I miss them SO MUCH but on the other hand I couldn't be more proud of the life that each one of them have set out for themselves. I'm thinking deep down it is all for the best and they are each leading great, godly, productive lives so don't you think ...

That's what I should be thinking ...

*~Tammi~*

The Science of True Life

What I Was Thinking . . . was how excited I get about phone calls from my kids. Some people might say I'm a little pathetic, but I don't think so; I love to hear from each of them and I love to hear about what's going on in their lives -- I love every minute of it. And I'm so thankful they WANT to call and tell me things that are happening in their lives.

We used to have a pastor that said your goal is not to make your kids happy, but I don't agree with that at all. I want my kids to be happy, I want them to have the joy of the Lord in their lives. I hurt when they hurt and I am happy when they are happy. So, of course, I want my kids to be happy! What joy that brings to my heart when they are happy and excited about something that's going on in their lives! I want to believe that I had some part in that, I mean in helping them obtain the joy they get just for living their lives the way God would have them.

As promised, I want to share more of Mrs. Harper's 1892 speech which touches on this just a little; about raising your children so that they are strong men and virtuous women with good homes ... a life that will bring your children joy and HAPPINESS.

"The work of the mothers is grandly constructive. It is for us to build above the wreck and ruin of the past more stately temples of thought and action. Some races have been overthrown, dashed in pieces and destroyed; but today the world is needing, fainting, for something better than the results of arrogance, aggressiveness, and indomitable power. We need mothers who are capable of being character builders, patient, loving, strong, and true, whose homes will be an uplifting power. This is one of the greatest needs of the hour. No race can afford to neglect the enlightenment of its mothers. If you would have a clergy without virtue or morality, a manhood without honor, and a womanhood frivolous, mocking, and ignorant, neglect the education of your daughters. But if, on the other hand, you would have strong men, virtuous women, and good homes, then enlighten your women, so that they may be able to bless their homes by the purity of their lives, the tenderness of their hearts, and the strength of their intellects. From schools and colleges your children may come well-versed in ancient lore and modern learning, but it is for us to learn and teach, within the shadow of our own homes, the highest and best of all sciences, the science of a true life."

The science of a true life, enlightening your daughters to have tender hearts so that they will teach their boys one day to be strong men, their girls to be virtuous women and for both to have good character that they may one day have good homes ... you know ... BE HAPPY!

That's what I was thinking,

*~Tammi~*

The Brightest Spot

What I Was Thinking ... was that, as promised, I want to share more excerpts from Francis E.W. Harper's speech of 1892.

"While politicians may stumble on the barren mountain of fretful controversy, and men, lacking faith in God and the invisible forces which make for righteousness, may shrink from the unsolved problems of the hour, into the hands of Christian women comes the opportunity of serving the ever-blessed Christ, by ministering to His little ones and striving to make their homes the brightest spots on earth and the fairest types of heaven. The school may instruct and the church may teach, but the home is an institution older than the church and schools, and that is the place where children should be trained for useful citizenship on earth."

Is that awesome, or what!!! As Moms, we should strive to make our homes the "brightest spot on earth" for our children. Our homes should be peaceful, quiet and full of love and joy! We as moms create this atmosphere in our home for the well being of our children. We have a great responsibility to train our children to be useful citizens in society.

Pictured are my little ones one Christmas (very old picture as they are all young adults now). At the time of this picture it was one of the "brightest spots on earth"; now they have become "useful citizens in society". Create the atmosphere now in your home ~ make your home the "fairest type of heaven" for your children. Before you know it, they will be grown and gone.

That's what I was thinking,
*~Tammi~*

Diadem of a Queen

What I Was Thinking . . . was the great deal of wisdom we can find from other women in history. A couple of years ago I spoke at a Mother/Daughter Banquet and while doing research for my "message" I came across a woman by the name of Francis W.E. Harper; I want to share some of her speech she presented to the Brooklyn Literary Society on November 15, 1892:

"The home may be a humble spot, where there are no velvet carpets to hush your tread, no magnificence to surround your way, nor costly creation of painter's art or sculptor's skill to please your conceptions or gratify your tastes; but what are the costliest gifts of fortune when placed in the balance with the confiding love of dear children or the devotion of a noble and manly husband whose heart can safely trust in his wife? You may place upon the brow of a true wife and mother the greenest laurels; you may crowd her hands with civic honors; but, after all, to her there will be no place like home, and the crown of her motherhood will be more precious than the diadem of a queen."

During the course of this week, I want to share more of her speech. I wanted to keep going to the next paragraph and next paragraph today, because it is so good, but I will just give you a little taste at a time so it can be absorbed.

A blog a wrote last month sometime, I believe it was entitled "Paycheck Mom" or something like that, spoke of exactly what Francis Harper is saying: No worldly honor or recognition can ever top the gratification you get by being a mom and being the wife of a godly man. Then Mrs. Harper goes on to say that all your worldly possessions don't hold a candle to the love of your children and a great husband ~ nothing can compare. Doesn't that just put everything in perspective?

That's what I was thinking ...

*~Tammi ~*

Distance

What I Was Thinking . . . was how excited I am to hear that my daughter Staci will be coming home for Christmas.

You know by now that we have an empty nest, but it's not only an empty nest; the chicks have really flown the coop ... they have flown far away, but I've learned (and still learning) to make the best out of the situation I have. I was never given the privilege of being a part of Staci's dating life, nor Chris' dating life for that matter. Staci is going to school in Florida and I've missed so much of her life. I try so hard to be a part of it and I know she tries her best to make me a part of her busy life, but it is very hard. I'm very thankful that at least I've been some part of Kelsi's dating life since she lives a little closer. I just wish I had had that with Chris and Staci as well.

Staci sent me an e-mail this morning telling me she got the time off of work and she gets to come home for Christmas and Josh is coming with her! I can't even explain how excited I am. The last time I saw her was actually last Christmas. I can't believe I have to go a whole year without seeing one of my kids. How does life happen like this? I want so desperately to be close (in distance) to all three of them, but that is not the life that I will have. Chris and Sarah live in Indiana, Staci and Josh live in Florida and I've been told they want to move back east somewhere, like Connecticut or something like that and Kelsi lives in Lancaster and dating Bodi who says he doesn't want to live in California either. So what's a mother to do? Stewart and I have to figure out how we are going to keep our family relationship close even though there is distance between us. But we will figure it out. Our children mean the world to us and distance just can't matter. But oh how I love it when my kids come HOME.

That's what I was thinking,

~Tammi

My Pearls

What I Was Thinking . . . was I have a husband who loves me. I've been with him for almost 30 years; he was my high school sweetheart. We dated for almost three years and have been married for 27 years. I don't think a day has gone by when we have not said "I love you" to each other.

Stewart has been working at the same company now for almost 29 years. Working...that's an understatement. He has put in some long hours, working both days, swing and mostly the graveyard shift his entire career. You could say that I have really put up with a lot when it came to his job. Working all the time, being tired all the time. But I know he has done this for his family and he would never want to change any of that.

His company (which is a Fortune 100 company) gives awards for your time with the company, like 5, 10, 15, 20, 25 years of service. He would get a catalog and he would be able to order something very nice for himself. In the past he has gotten a company ring from Tiffanys, a nice set of golf clubs, and other things ~ I just can't remember them all. But the reward gets nicer as your years of service is higher.

Well 25 years rolled around and I asked him several times, "Where is the catalog, shouldn't you be getting something soon?" And he kept telling me, "I haven't gotten it yet; I'll ask human resources."

To put this all in perspective for you, let me just say that at the time (as this story is now four years old) he had put in 25 years with a company that sometimes he worked 60 hours a week, he commutes at least 3 hours a day and has worked every shift and has worked weekends. So when 25 years rolled around I wanted him to get something so nice for himself, you know, like patting himself on the back for all of his hard work. I knew the rewards were probably in a pretty high price range so he could get some really, really nice for himself. Do you know what he decided to do as his reward for his 25 years of service? He ordered a string of pearls for his wife! He gave his 25 years of service reward to ME! You can only imagine what that meant to me. I don't think anything else will ever top what he did for me four years ago. I don't know if you are crying, but I am just reliving this! He is an awesome man, an awesome husband and an awesome dad to our three children. He is loved and respected by everyone who comes in contact with him.

This is the kind of man I married, a man that sacrifices for his family, and this is the kind of man I have been praying for that my daughters would marry. I want nothing less for them. That's what I was thinking.

Stages of Your Child

What I Was Thinking . . . was that if life ends when a heart STOPS beating, then when does life begin? Wouldn’t it make sense that it begins when the heart STARTS beating? I just looked it up on the Internet and a baby's heart starts beating at approximately 22 days after conception. I think that settles the debate of the life of an unborn child. What a miracle from God!

This is an old picture of my children and it just seems like a few years ago, but they are 24, 21 & 19 years of age now. Where has the time gone? Did I enjoy every stage of my childrens lives? I can look back and honestly say, "Yes, I enjoyed every stage."

I want to encourage you to enjoy every stage of your child‘s life; don’t miss a thing and don’t try to rush any stage. Don’t keep saying I can’t wait until he starts walking, I can’t wait for him to start talking, I can’t wait until he goes to school, I can’t wait for him to get a job, I can’t wait until he graduates from high school, I can’t wait until he moves out on his own. You can wait. If you keep anticipating the next stage of his life, you can never fully enjoy the stage of life he is in right now. Enjoy and saver every moment, because it goes by extremely fast.

My husband and I have prayed for our children ever since they were in their crib. I can still remember kneeling down at my children’s crib and praying for them, that God would protect them and that one day they would serve Him with their lives. We prayed for their future spouse when they were just in the crib as well. We prayed that God would guide them and guide the parents of their future spouse. That they would be trained and prepared just for our child. My husband and I have just prayed and prayed and prayed for our children and still do ~ every single day. Let me just remind you that it is very important to pray for your child’s future spouse.

Going back to stages of our children’s lives, every stage is so different, but there is something special about each one of them. When you first bring your baby home they don’t do one thing, but cry, poop and eat no fun at all, not playing or even acknowledging that you are around it’s almost disheartening. But take this time to hold your baby and examine every inch of him and just really bond with him in a special way. Pretty soon he’ll start playing with you, cooing, talking. Soon you will be teaching him all sorts of things and just filling his mind with knowledge. He’ll start crawling then walking and pretty soon he will be off to Kindergarten and you will wonder what in the world happen to my little baby. Soon after that you will be taking him to soccer practice and t-ball games cheering him on and knowing he is the best player on the field. Then all of a sudden you will realize that he has just become a teenager and you try your best to remember what that was like and then try to figure out what planet he is on or what he was thinking when he did something so stupid you can’t believe your son did what he did.

And then you are going to watch him walk the aisle and receive his high school diploma and you will be so proud of him and he will thank you for giving him a good home. Then he will go off to college and he will take with him everything that you have taught him and he will be a man. Then he will meet someone so special, that one person that you started praying for when he was in the crib and continued to pray for during his life. You never knew them personally, but you knew God was preparing someone for your child, someone special and they would fall in love with and take all the values that you instilled in them and bring them in this relationship and begin their family with everything that you taught them. Value and enjoy every stage of your child's life. That's what I was thinking.

Raising a Man

What I Was Thinking . . . was I've raised a Godly man. I catch myself saying "I" or "I've" but really it should be "we" or "we've", because my husband had such a huge part in raising our kids, but just humor me during my writings as I take the credit, as this is MY blog. :-)

I've tried to think back at some things that took place in raising Chris that might help young mothers that are trying to raise their son.

I believe I know the day he learned the value of hard work. He was probably about 10 - 12 years old and he loved playing baseball. He wanted a special bat so badly, but that bat cost $85.00. I thought it was ridiculous myself, but my husband (a huge baseball fan as well) thought it was such a great bat (whatever, isn't a bat just a bat? I guess it's a guy thing). Well, a deal was made. My husband told Chris that he would pay half of the purchase price of that special bat and Chris would be responsible for the other half. Well, I knew in the back of my mind that he would never be able to save that up before baseball season was over, but this is what he did:

We came home from that sporting goods store and we didn't see Chris for about four hours; he was out and about in our neighborhood earning money for his bat. Do you know he came home with the money and we took him immediately back to that sporting goods store where he bought his special bat. Chris washed several cars, mowed a few lawns and even bathed the neighbor's dog. I really can't remember all he did, but it was enough money to pay for half of that special bat; boy, how time goes by.

This poured over into the rest of Chris' life, as he has always been able to earn money somewhere. He has always been willing to pull weeds, do clean-ups in yards, etc. When he was a senior in high school and through the summer before college he had three jobs: he had his own lawn business, he worked at McDonalds and he threw newspapers at 3am before school.

He is now in the ministry as a youth pastor and music director. I know you must have a very disciplined life to be in the ministry. There are so many demands of you and usually there is just no days off. Dealing with people and encouraging people is a very tough job. Do you think just because we taught him a valuable lesson early in his life that this prepared him for the ministry? I do.

When you teach a boy the value of hard work, you have taught a boy to become a man. That's what I was thinking.

(pictured is Chris and his wife Sarah ~ both serving God in Indiana)

Another Monday

What I Was Thinking ... was that I need to remind myself more often that "This is the day that the Lord hath made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!" Just got back from revival service tonight and I was reminded of where I came from and that I have a God who loves me enough to save me ... save Tammi for all her sins. Isn't THAT enough to rejoice in? I should think so! It was just a rough day today. Work was extremely busy ~ so much to do and not enough time in the day to complete everything that had to be done. One of my attorneys is in a big trial and the courtroom was dark today so he was in the office. One e-mail after the other, "Tammi, we need to get this letter out right away.", "Tammi, have you set up the expert meeting I need?", "Tammi, I need to get this examination typed out.", "Tammi, I need to have the CHP officers on the stand on October 2." The e-mails went on and on. Okay, okay, okay .... I finally e-mailed him back ... I need to know the priorities, please! He's really a great attorney to work for; he's funny and he knows how much I have to get done during the day (he's not my only attorney, I have one more I work for!). I walked into his office and he said he was getting ready to toss a coin in order to answer my e-mail I sent him about the priorities. See, everything needs to be done. I am truly trying my hardest not to be stressed. I have to learn to find the peace of God during the day. I need to have my moment during the day when I can just rejoice in the day that God made for me. I am really going to work on that this week. I'm truly not complaining about my job; sincerely, I love my job, I love the excitement, I love the satisfaction it brings and I love the challenge. This weekend Kelsi got to come home with her boyfriend (pictured) and we were able to spend time together. We saw Wicked on Friday and went shopping on Saturday, then church on Sunday. I think because I was able to spend this past weekend with Kelsi and then having to say good-bye to her made it harder for me to deal with another Monday. Now after writing all of this down, I'm thinking the stress of my day was not my job, it was the sadness I felt not having my children around me .... that's what I now realize I was thinking.

The Accident

What I Was Thinking .... is I believe I am ready to tell you about the horrific accident I saw. It happened approximately three weeks ago on our way to Lancaster taking Kelsi to college; it was early Sunday morning and we were trying to make it to Sunday School at Lancaster Baptist Church. I was driving, Stewart was asleep on the passenger side (he's taking pain medication for his back) and Kelsi was in the back seat. I had been following a pick-up truck for a couple of miles right after I turned off the 138 Highway onto 165th Street. The pick-up truck put on his lefthand turn signal and I started slowing down so he could turn. I had no idea where he was turning ~ there was no road ~ just desert. I saw a motorcycle coming the other direction so I knew I was going to have to come to a complete stop because the pick-up truck needed to wait for the motorcycle to pass so the truck could turn. That pick-up truck didn't wait for the motorcycle and he hit that poor man before he even had time to react. The motorcyclist went flying through the air and landed in the desert about three car lengths off the road. He was killed instantly. I can't explain how horrible it was to see such a thing and knowing that Kelsi witnessed the same thing I did. The motorcyclist had a wedding ring on. How is his wife doing? Did he have any children? Did he know Jesus? I can't get any of this out of my mind. That's what I was thinking.

Sarah

What I Was Thinking . . . was how God answered our prayers for a wonderful wife for our son, Sarah. You know I've said before how we have prayed for our children's spouses since they were in the crib. I can still remember it like it was yesterday, actually kneeling down in Chris' room holding onto the bars of his crib and praying that God would prepare the child that was to be his wife one day. I prayed for her parents that they would raise her and prepare her to be my son's wife. Oh how God has answered our prayer. I truly believe in this and I am so thankful that God directed our path as a family to where Chris ended up all the way in Florida to meet his wife. God has been so good to our family. Sarah is perfect for Chris and she is a wonderful addition to our family! I still remember the day when she first called me mom; it was a joy to my heart! I love her so much and I'm so thankful that God prepared her for my son. God has never failed us. That's what I was thinking.

Kelsi

What I Was Thinking . . . was how much my little girl has grown up. As much as we have tried to treat each of our children the same, I might have failed in this area just a bit, as she IS the baby. She was so easy to raise, though. She was my quiet one; you never really knew she was around too much. Can you believe she only received two spankings her entire life? She has never been strong-willed like my other two and I think that in itself has caused her transition to adulthood to be more difficult for her than my other two, but she is learning every day and I am so proud of her. When they are children you don't want them to be strong-willed because it's so exhausting (I had two of them!), but in adulthood being strong-willed is a good thing ... it gives them determination and it helps them fight for what they want. That's why it's so important not to break your child's will but try to direct that will in a positive way. Kelsi is my tenderhearted child. She cares so much for what people think and she wants so badly to please everyone (which is impossible); but she has pleased her parents and I believe she is pleasing her Saviour. She wants to always be a help to everyone. Through her life she has never one time said, "I want to be a nurse, or a teacher", etc. she has only said I want to serve with my husband in a church someday. You know, that is not a bad thing at all; the hardest and most fulfilling job in the world is to be a wife and mother and she will be completely awesome at it! It's amazing to me how God has given me such completely different children to raise. What an awesome blessing each one of them have been in my life. I love Chris, Staci & Kelsi with every ounce of my being .... that's what I was thinking.

Staci

What I Was Thinking . . . was that out of all of my children Staci has surprised me the most. Staci knows she was my hardest child to raise; we've talked about it before. Staci and I have the same qualities, same personality and same determination; that's probably why it was so hard. All through high school she wanted nothing more than to be in the medical field, either a physical therapist or a physician's assistant. We have always encouraged each of our children to follow their dreams and follow what God has for their lives. I never stopped praying for Staci. It's always been our prayer that each of our children go into full-time Christian service. All that we asked from each of our children was that they attend one year of Bible College ~ Staci did what we asked her to do, go to one year of Bible College; we were so thankful that she agreed. She was so determined that she was coming back home after one year, but little did she know that God had other great plans for her life. She is now a senior in college studying to be a Christian School Teacher. We could never be more proud of her than we are right now. She is so good with children and she is going to make an excellent teacher. It's amazing how God works and it's amazing to see the hand of God lead and guide your children in the path that He has laid out for them. Just as Chris has said to us, so has Staci ... they have both thanked us for the sacrifices we have made for them in putting them through Christian School and for providing them with a loving home, and being there for them when they needed us. It's such a wonderful thing when you have gone through so much with your children, when you think that they will never listen to what you have to say and you get so tired of disciplining that you feel like giving up, they come back to you and say, "Thank you mom and dad for everything you have done for me." Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." I have lived my life with this promise and God did not fail. That's what I was thinking.

Christopher

What I Was Thinking . . . was that my son is a man. How does time go by so fast? I remember when he was in the first grade and he wanted to ride his bike around the block, you know, not on our street anymore and a completely different street!! I told him, "Okay, you can ride around the block but just do that and come right back; I will be waiting right here." I felt like that was the very first time I let go just a little. I laugh about it now, but it was such a big thing to let him do that all by himself. I remember when he accepted God's call on his life when he was 14 years old and he actually preached his grandfather's funeral. I remember him doubting his call when he was a junior in high school and him telling me, "Mom, I don't have a hold of God like I should how can I lead others if I don't have a hold of God?" I remember telling him that I believe he is going to be a great preacher one day and reminded him of all the others that have said the same thing about him. I told him, "God has called you, but YOU have to know that in your heart, I can't tell you that." Sometimes I just can't believe that my little boy who did such a good job riding his bike around the block is a grown, married man and serving God in a church as a youth pastor and music minister; where has the time gone? That's what I was thinking.

A Visit

What I Was Thinking . . . was how much I love my entire family. I had the opportunity to go to Las Vegas this weekend and see my mom and dad, my sister and her family (along with her new grandbaby) ... yes, my little sister is a grandmother before me, and so many more extended family members. It was just a nice weekend. The purpose was to attend Grandma Bare's Memorial Service; what a beautiful service. Going back to our home church in Vegas (where I attended since 4th grade, where Stewart and I met and married and where all three of my children attended Nursery) and seeing friends and family that I grew up with was wonderful. It's been 15 years since we've lived in Vegas. All the kids are grown up and getting married and having babies of their own. It makes me miss those times so much! We used to have all kinds of people come to our house every Friday night for a Bible Study and pizza and they would bring their kids to play with our kids!!! Most of my youth group married each other which resulted in most of the church being related somehow ... lol! My kids call some Aunt and Uncle who, theoretically are not related, but maybe in a round about way they are. Kelsi's boyfriend, Bodi, came with us to Vegas and we tried to explain how everyone was related .... not sure if he kept up with all of it, but I think he enjoyed himself. They are all just great people, great friends and great Christians. I love the life that God has blessed me with ... that's what I was thinking.

Empty Nest

What I Was Thinking . . . was that I honestly did not know how I would react to this new chapter in my life. I know that it's really only been less than a week with an "official" empty nest but, you know what, it's not so bad. Praise the Lord for cell phones, texting and the Internet; I am able to stay in contact with all the kids which means the world to me. But spending the evening with Stewart is such a joy; it's like it is our turn now. We have raised our children to the best of our ability and we can sit back, enjoy life, and reap the rewards of our labor. Rewards being the satisfaction of knowing your kids are doing great and serving God; Rewards being adding to our family with a daughter-in-law and eventually two son-in-laws; Rewards being grandkids (OMW..... I can't wait for that day!); Rewards being when your kids call and tell you that they love you and tell you thank you for having a home like we had growing up, thank you for teaching us what was right, thank you for sacrificing for us, thank you for putting us through Christian school ... Enjoy every stage of your children's lives; each stage is valuable and rewarding and you will never get that time back again. I love the concept of reaping what you have sown ... that's what I was thinking.

Cheerleader Mom

What I was Thinking . . . was that we should always be a "cheerleader" for our kids. I know that Mrs. Hyles always taught that wives should always be their husbands cheerleader; I think that is so awesome! I love being an encouragement to Stewart. But what about our children? I know when the kids were young and we went every different direction taking them to their practices and games and gymnastics, ballet, girls softball, t-ball, baseball, basketball, volleyball ... the list goes on, I remember sitting in the stands cheering them on, encouraging them, just going crazy when Chris would hit a home run or make an awesome basket, or Staci made a great play at home plate or spiked the ball so hard across the net, or Kelsi actually staying up on the balance beam in competition, or scoring all those points with her awesome volleyball serve! What wonderful days those were...cheering on my kids! How much more they need that from me now!! They are not playing games anymore, they are now making life-changing decisions, things that really matter. I want to be there for them, cheering them on, telling them how proud I am of them, be an encouragement to them! Even when they strike out, I need to be there for them telling them, step back up to the plate, do your best, give it your all, you can do it! I'm my kids biggest fan .... that's what I was thinking.

My Husband

What I Was Thinking . . . was how much I love my husband. I have known him since I was 16 years old. He has been my best friend for almost 30 years; boy, that's a long time! He has never left my side all of these years. He has worked so hard to provide for his family which allowed me to stay home with our children for 11 years. I am so grateful to him for that. He's work so hard sometimes even 60 hours per week, with little sleep and with little complaint just for us. He has always put me and the kids first and foremost and has always done without to make sure his children never did without. He is a wonderful, Christian man. He is the best daddy ever to his children ... just ask them. Chris even chose his dad to be the Best Man at his wedding ... how often do you see that? I am extremely blessed to have a man like that by my side ... that's what I was thinking.

Packing

What I was Thinking ... was that I have mixed feelings today. My daughter is packing tonight for college. Helping her take her clothes out of the closet into a suitcase was sad for me but also exciting. My daughter is going to be gone. I just heard her laugh ... I'm going to miss that laugh =( . I'm excited for her and proud of her for going to Bible College. She has so much to look forward to. I've always told my kids, "Just make one good decision after another and your life will be great." Many decisions will need to be made by her in the near future; "just make one good decision after another" .... that's what I was thinking.

Heaven

What I was Thinking ... was how real Heaven is to me today. Grandma Bare died this morning. She is actually an "extended" grandma to me~ she is my sister's husband's grandma. My sister has been her caretaker for several years now, taking on the burden of caring for an elderly woman until she was 96 years old. My sister is a very special lady! Grandma loved my children, she loved her "preacher boy" Chris. She was a dear, Christian woman who everyone would just sit around and listen to her wisdom. I have never known a woman like her before. Grandma Bare's health has been failing for sometime and Hospice finally came in a couple of weeks ago to help my sister. On Saturday night my sister awoke from a dream that seemed so real to her. She dreamt that Grandma Bare came into her room and was standing there and just said, "I am so tired of lying in that bed." (it's been a long time since Grandma has been out of bed). My sister said it was just so real; Grandma never spoke after that, she just laid there with a blank look. My sister told me this morning that she truly believes that on Saturday night is when Grandma went into the presence of Jesus! Her frail body, barely breathing layed in bed for 2 more days, but her soul had already left. Isn't God so good ... that is what I was thinking.

Hurricane Fay

What I was thinking ... was that my daughter is over 3,000 miles away from home and in the midst of a category 1 hurricane. I don't want to be thinking about that, but I am ~ I have been all day ... that's what I was thinking .... all day.

Paycheck Job

What I was thinking... was how wonderful it is to get a call out of the blue from your grown children. I got two today...hmm... they both called, they both wanted to know how I was doing, and they both told me about their day and the best part was they told me that they loved me. I don't want to sound arrogant and I don't mean too, but I feel like such a success when it comes to them. I don't know if that is a bad thing or not but it's the most fulfilling I've been in such a long time to know that my children have grown up to be such wonderful people who want to serve God with their lives. I believe I do my job well at Travelers, I mean, I get excellent reviews, etc. but it's just not the same as it is with your children. The feeling is just unbelievable and hard to explain. No "paycheck" job could ever take the place of just being a mom. Being a mom is the best thing ever; that's what I was thinking.

Transition

What I was thinking was that trying to figure out what's best for your teen while going through the transition of becoming an adult is very difficult. Every child is so different and nothing works the same; it's like a new adventure (or should I say battle) every time. What part do you let go? What part do you still hang on to? Do you let them make bad decisions and let them fall or do you get involved and tell them the answer? Where does end? I wish I had a definite answer but I don't.; even after going through this transition twice, I don't have the answers. I make my decisions knowing I'm doing the best I can do as a mom who loves her children more than life itself. I think I'm a good mom; I mean, I have good kids... so doesn't that make me a good mom? I want my children to be happy and I want them to be successful in the ministry. I'm striving and I'm praying for that ~ daily. The hardest stage in raising your child is between 12 - 14 because if you lose their heart during that time, you have lost them from 15 - 20; they just won't care what you think. The next hardest stage is this transition period. It's probably harder on them than me, though. Can I just say how much easier it was to warm a bottle, change a diaper and pick up toys?

I love Sunday

What I was thinking was that I love Sunday. It's the day we go to church and just get refreshed from the long week and the inspiration for the week to come. Phil. 4:10 "But I rejoice in the Lord greatly, that now at the last your care of me hath flourished." This was our verse for Sunday School this morning. Our SS Teacher said, "Do I have enough trust in Him to get me through the day?" Hmm.. do I? Can I completely put my trust in HIM? I think this is a daily question for all of us; we should all address this every morning, don't you think?

Midlife

What I was thinking was that now that my children have grown up it seems like such a big part of my life is over. My children were and are my life. I have poured my entire heart and soul in their lives. As parents, we only have 18 years to make it count and to raise young adults to be successful in life. Not necessarily a financial success, but just a success in life... a life that pleases God and a life that makes them happy. If I could only express to all of you the feeling you have when you can look back on your life and know that you have raised successful children. Make every day count with your children. Help them, be there for them. Make sure they know that you would do absolutely anything in the world for them. Make every decision based on your children .. you only have 18 years to make it work... it's not very long; believe me. But the battle is definitely worth it. I love you so much Chris, Staci & Kelsi and now our newest addition our daughter-in-law Sarah. Thank you to my loving husband who is the best daddy ever!

hmmm it's Saturday

What I was thinking was that Saturday is just not long enough. Can't we have two Saturdays in a week? It's my day to have fun, clean, and get caught up on everything that was ignored during my busy week. I can't do everything ... but with my personality... I have to do everything.