Raising a Man

What I Was Thinking . . . was I've raised a Godly man. I catch myself saying "I" or "I've" but really it should be "we" or "we've", because my husband had such a huge part in raising our kids, but just humor me during my writings as I take the credit, as this is MY blog. :-)

I've tried to think back at some things that took place in raising Chris that might help young mothers that are trying to raise their son.

I believe I know the day he learned the value of hard work. He was probably about 10 - 12 years old and he loved playing baseball. He wanted a special bat so badly, but that bat cost $85.00. I thought it was ridiculous myself, but my husband (a huge baseball fan as well) thought it was such a great bat (whatever, isn't a bat just a bat? I guess it's a guy thing). Well, a deal was made. My husband told Chris that he would pay half of the purchase price of that special bat and Chris would be responsible for the other half. Well, I knew in the back of my mind that he would never be able to save that up before baseball season was over, but this is what he did:

We came home from that sporting goods store and we didn't see Chris for about four hours; he was out and about in our neighborhood earning money for his bat. Do you know he came home with the money and we took him immediately back to that sporting goods store where he bought his special bat. Chris washed several cars, mowed a few lawns and even bathed the neighbor's dog. I really can't remember all he did, but it was enough money to pay for half of that special bat; boy, how time goes by.

This poured over into the rest of Chris' life, as he has always been able to earn money somewhere. He has always been willing to pull weeds, do clean-ups in yards, etc. When he was a senior in high school and through the summer before college he had three jobs: he had his own lawn business, he worked at McDonalds and he threw newspapers at 3am before school.

He is now in the ministry as a youth pastor and music director. I know you must have a very disciplined life to be in the ministry. There are so many demands of you and usually there is just no days off. Dealing with people and encouraging people is a very tough job. Do you think just because we taught him a valuable lesson early in his life that this prepared him for the ministry? I do.

When you teach a boy the value of hard work, you have taught a boy to become a man. That's what I was thinking.

(pictured is Chris and his wife Sarah ~ both serving God in Indiana)

Another Monday

What I Was Thinking ... was that I need to remind myself more often that "This is the day that the Lord hath made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!" Just got back from revival service tonight and I was reminded of where I came from and that I have a God who loves me enough to save me ... save Tammi for all her sins. Isn't THAT enough to rejoice in? I should think so! It was just a rough day today. Work was extremely busy ~ so much to do and not enough time in the day to complete everything that had to be done. One of my attorneys is in a big trial and the courtroom was dark today so he was in the office. One e-mail after the other, "Tammi, we need to get this letter out right away.", "Tammi, have you set up the expert meeting I need?", "Tammi, I need to get this examination typed out.", "Tammi, I need to have the CHP officers on the stand on October 2." The e-mails went on and on. Okay, okay, okay .... I finally e-mailed him back ... I need to know the priorities, please! He's really a great attorney to work for; he's funny and he knows how much I have to get done during the day (he's not my only attorney, I have one more I work for!). I walked into his office and he said he was getting ready to toss a coin in order to answer my e-mail I sent him about the priorities. See, everything needs to be done. I am truly trying my hardest not to be stressed. I have to learn to find the peace of God during the day. I need to have my moment during the day when I can just rejoice in the day that God made for me. I am really going to work on that this week. I'm truly not complaining about my job; sincerely, I love my job, I love the excitement, I love the satisfaction it brings and I love the challenge. This weekend Kelsi got to come home with her boyfriend (pictured) and we were able to spend time together. We saw Wicked on Friday and went shopping on Saturday, then church on Sunday. I think because I was able to spend this past weekend with Kelsi and then having to say good-bye to her made it harder for me to deal with another Monday. Now after writing all of this down, I'm thinking the stress of my day was not my job, it was the sadness I felt not having my children around me .... that's what I now realize I was thinking.

The Accident

What I Was Thinking .... is I believe I am ready to tell you about the horrific accident I saw. It happened approximately three weeks ago on our way to Lancaster taking Kelsi to college; it was early Sunday morning and we were trying to make it to Sunday School at Lancaster Baptist Church. I was driving, Stewart was asleep on the passenger side (he's taking pain medication for his back) and Kelsi was in the back seat. I had been following a pick-up truck for a couple of miles right after I turned off the 138 Highway onto 165th Street. The pick-up truck put on his lefthand turn signal and I started slowing down so he could turn. I had no idea where he was turning ~ there was no road ~ just desert. I saw a motorcycle coming the other direction so I knew I was going to have to come to a complete stop because the pick-up truck needed to wait for the motorcycle to pass so the truck could turn. That pick-up truck didn't wait for the motorcycle and he hit that poor man before he even had time to react. The motorcyclist went flying through the air and landed in the desert about three car lengths off the road. He was killed instantly. I can't explain how horrible it was to see such a thing and knowing that Kelsi witnessed the same thing I did. The motorcyclist had a wedding ring on. How is his wife doing? Did he have any children? Did he know Jesus? I can't get any of this out of my mind. That's what I was thinking.

Sarah

What I Was Thinking . . . was how God answered our prayers for a wonderful wife for our son, Sarah. You know I've said before how we have prayed for our children's spouses since they were in the crib. I can still remember it like it was yesterday, actually kneeling down in Chris' room holding onto the bars of his crib and praying that God would prepare the child that was to be his wife one day. I prayed for her parents that they would raise her and prepare her to be my son's wife. Oh how God has answered our prayer. I truly believe in this and I am so thankful that God directed our path as a family to where Chris ended up all the way in Florida to meet his wife. God has been so good to our family. Sarah is perfect for Chris and she is a wonderful addition to our family! I still remember the day when she first called me mom; it was a joy to my heart! I love her so much and I'm so thankful that God prepared her for my son. God has never failed us. That's what I was thinking.

Kelsi

What I Was Thinking . . . was how much my little girl has grown up. As much as we have tried to treat each of our children the same, I might have failed in this area just a bit, as she IS the baby. She was so easy to raise, though. She was my quiet one; you never really knew she was around too much. Can you believe she only received two spankings her entire life? She has never been strong-willed like my other two and I think that in itself has caused her transition to adulthood to be more difficult for her than my other two, but she is learning every day and I am so proud of her. When they are children you don't want them to be strong-willed because it's so exhausting (I had two of them!), but in adulthood being strong-willed is a good thing ... it gives them determination and it helps them fight for what they want. That's why it's so important not to break your child's will but try to direct that will in a positive way. Kelsi is my tenderhearted child. She cares so much for what people think and she wants so badly to please everyone (which is impossible); but she has pleased her parents and I believe she is pleasing her Saviour. She wants to always be a help to everyone. Through her life she has never one time said, "I want to be a nurse, or a teacher", etc. she has only said I want to serve with my husband in a church someday. You know, that is not a bad thing at all; the hardest and most fulfilling job in the world is to be a wife and mother and she will be completely awesome at it! It's amazing to me how God has given me such completely different children to raise. What an awesome blessing each one of them have been in my life. I love Chris, Staci & Kelsi with every ounce of my being .... that's what I was thinking.

Staci

What I Was Thinking . . . was that out of all of my children Staci has surprised me the most. Staci knows she was my hardest child to raise; we've talked about it before. Staci and I have the same qualities, same personality and same determination; that's probably why it was so hard. All through high school she wanted nothing more than to be in the medical field, either a physical therapist or a physician's assistant. We have always encouraged each of our children to follow their dreams and follow what God has for their lives. I never stopped praying for Staci. It's always been our prayer that each of our children go into full-time Christian service. All that we asked from each of our children was that they attend one year of Bible College ~ Staci did what we asked her to do, go to one year of Bible College; we were so thankful that she agreed. She was so determined that she was coming back home after one year, but little did she know that God had other great plans for her life. She is now a senior in college studying to be a Christian School Teacher. We could never be more proud of her than we are right now. She is so good with children and she is going to make an excellent teacher. It's amazing how God works and it's amazing to see the hand of God lead and guide your children in the path that He has laid out for them. Just as Chris has said to us, so has Staci ... they have both thanked us for the sacrifices we have made for them in putting them through Christian School and for providing them with a loving home, and being there for them when they needed us. It's such a wonderful thing when you have gone through so much with your children, when you think that they will never listen to what you have to say and you get so tired of disciplining that you feel like giving up, they come back to you and say, "Thank you mom and dad for everything you have done for me." Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." I have lived my life with this promise and God did not fail. That's what I was thinking.

Christopher

What I Was Thinking . . . was that my son is a man. How does time go by so fast? I remember when he was in the first grade and he wanted to ride his bike around the block, you know, not on our street anymore and a completely different street!! I told him, "Okay, you can ride around the block but just do that and come right back; I will be waiting right here." I felt like that was the very first time I let go just a little. I laugh about it now, but it was such a big thing to let him do that all by himself. I remember when he accepted God's call on his life when he was 14 years old and he actually preached his grandfather's funeral. I remember him doubting his call when he was a junior in high school and him telling me, "Mom, I don't have a hold of God like I should how can I lead others if I don't have a hold of God?" I remember telling him that I believe he is going to be a great preacher one day and reminded him of all the others that have said the same thing about him. I told him, "God has called you, but YOU have to know that in your heart, I can't tell you that." Sometimes I just can't believe that my little boy who did such a good job riding his bike around the block is a grown, married man and serving God in a church as a youth pastor and music minister; where has the time gone? That's what I was thinking.

A Visit

What I Was Thinking . . . was how much I love my entire family. I had the opportunity to go to Las Vegas this weekend and see my mom and dad, my sister and her family (along with her new grandbaby) ... yes, my little sister is a grandmother before me, and so many more extended family members. It was just a nice weekend. The purpose was to attend Grandma Bare's Memorial Service; what a beautiful service. Going back to our home church in Vegas (where I attended since 4th grade, where Stewart and I met and married and where all three of my children attended Nursery) and seeing friends and family that I grew up with was wonderful. It's been 15 years since we've lived in Vegas. All the kids are grown up and getting married and having babies of their own. It makes me miss those times so much! We used to have all kinds of people come to our house every Friday night for a Bible Study and pizza and they would bring their kids to play with our kids!!! Most of my youth group married each other which resulted in most of the church being related somehow ... lol! My kids call some Aunt and Uncle who, theoretically are not related, but maybe in a round about way they are. Kelsi's boyfriend, Bodi, came with us to Vegas and we tried to explain how everyone was related .... not sure if he kept up with all of it, but I think he enjoyed himself. They are all just great people, great friends and great Christians. I love the life that God has blessed me with ... that's what I was thinking.

Empty Nest

What I Was Thinking . . . was that I honestly did not know how I would react to this new chapter in my life. I know that it's really only been less than a week with an "official" empty nest but, you know what, it's not so bad. Praise the Lord for cell phones, texting and the Internet; I am able to stay in contact with all the kids which means the world to me. But spending the evening with Stewart is such a joy; it's like it is our turn now. We have raised our children to the best of our ability and we can sit back, enjoy life, and reap the rewards of our labor. Rewards being the satisfaction of knowing your kids are doing great and serving God; Rewards being adding to our family with a daughter-in-law and eventually two son-in-laws; Rewards being grandkids (OMW..... I can't wait for that day!); Rewards being when your kids call and tell you that they love you and tell you thank you for having a home like we had growing up, thank you for teaching us what was right, thank you for sacrificing for us, thank you for putting us through Christian school ... Enjoy every stage of your children's lives; each stage is valuable and rewarding and you will never get that time back again. I love the concept of reaping what you have sown ... that's what I was thinking.

Cheerleader Mom

What I was Thinking . . . was that we should always be a "cheerleader" for our kids. I know that Mrs. Hyles always taught that wives should always be their husbands cheerleader; I think that is so awesome! I love being an encouragement to Stewart. But what about our children? I know when the kids were young and we went every different direction taking them to their practices and games and gymnastics, ballet, girls softball, t-ball, baseball, basketball, volleyball ... the list goes on, I remember sitting in the stands cheering them on, encouraging them, just going crazy when Chris would hit a home run or make an awesome basket, or Staci made a great play at home plate or spiked the ball so hard across the net, or Kelsi actually staying up on the balance beam in competition, or scoring all those points with her awesome volleyball serve! What wonderful days those were...cheering on my kids! How much more they need that from me now!! They are not playing games anymore, they are now making life-changing decisions, things that really matter. I want to be there for them, cheering them on, telling them how proud I am of them, be an encouragement to them! Even when they strike out, I need to be there for them telling them, step back up to the plate, do your best, give it your all, you can do it! I'm my kids biggest fan .... that's what I was thinking.